Life · Me

5 Reasons Not to Fall in Love

Number 1: Toenails

After spending your life successfully avoiding touching or sniffing people’s feet intentionally or accidentally, you will find yourself clipping your loved one’s toenails. It is still gross but you won’t care. You might even tickle their feet while you do it. Because you are in love and suddenly you touch feet. This is who you have become. Look at yourself.

Number 2: Foreheads

The most interaction you’ve probably shared with various foreheads is checking for a fever or receiving forehead kisses if you’re so inclined. But when you’re in love, everything becomes cute. Even a forehead. You stare at it. You want to lick it. You want to smoosh your cheeks (face or other, I don’t judge) on it. I don’t know man. I can’t explain it. It just happens.

Number 3. Sharing Fries

You’re a good person. You try to recycle whenever possible. You smile back at strangers. You hold the door for people and sometimes give them your seat. You deserve to eat all your fries in peace. You deserve to be selfish with your fries. They are yours. You worked moderately enough for them. And then comes this human who wants some of your fries every time. Every time. And the weirdest part is you give them some of your fries. Every time. And some times you even let them have all your fries. The mind, it boggles.

Number 4. They’re Annoying

The person you fall in love with will annoy the living daylights out of you. They will get on every nerve that is get-on-able including those extra nerves you didn’t know you had. But you will still want them around you as much as possible. Why? Who knows. Science, History, sitcoms and common sense say get away from the thing that causes you discomfort. But even when you want to smack them upside the head, there is no one else on earth you’d rather be smacking upside the head.

Number 5. They Ruin Your Reputation

You used to be a thug. You were hardcore. You applied your mascara with your mouth closed. You always had witty comebacks for that dense stranger on the internet. You took candy from babies and you had Coco Pops for every meal.  Then you fell in love. Now you are a shadow of the shadow of your former self. You tweet song lyrics and threads on wedding seating arrangements. You’ve named your future babies because babies are cute and not potential victims of candy theft. You eat balanced meals so you can have a long and healthy life with your annoying loved one. You are a gooey, melted cheesy, bubbly mess. And you love it.

Don’t fall in love unless you are ready to clip toenails, lick foreheads, share YOUR fries, be annoyed a lot, and eat healthy. Consider yourself  warned.

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