It’s inevitable isn’t it.
I knew I’d end up alone. I knew he would go back to her. They always go back.
I boasted of my independence. I didn’t need to be attached.
“I’m a free hoe,” I always said.
I laughed at my friends and their troubled relationships.
“Not me, ” I always said. I played my role as the other girl.
I made sure he used a rubber. I made sure I took my morning afters.
Then I would roll over and sleep while he showed himself out.
Who needs more? Who needs the pretense of a happy relationship?
I’m a free hoe.
And yet. Here I am. Wondering.
If being unattached is the dream why do I feel panic rising because he chose her?
I knew what I was getting into.
It was something about knowing I’m free but feeling stagnant.
It’s something about knowing I’m beautiful but feeling scarred.
Because I’m never the first option.
I’m that substitute meal thats ordered when the restaurant is out of his regular favourite meal.
I knew I was a distraction.
So why does it hurt to know I was just another conquest.
Even side chicks feel used I guess. Not that anyone cares I suppose.
We are disposable.
It’s always just a matter of time. They always go back.
I got carried away.
I thought maybe this time, I could be first choice.
Yeah, I’m a stupid hoe.