Life · Thoughts

Of Situationships and Titles

If you’re reading this, chances are you know someone that is currently in a “situationship”, or maybe you are in one yourself. I say this because situationships seem to be the order of the day. Situationships are all around us, like Honda Fits on the streets of Harare. The exact definition of a situationship is ambiguous and varies widely depending on the people in it. It can be used to sugarcoat cheating or it can be a state of being between two single people that enjoy each other sexually; the possible scenarios are endless. Essentially it is relationship limbo. It is a relationship with no clearly defined roles, riddled with shaky expectations, and inevitable frustration.

Situationship (n.): “dynamics that are based on sexual compatibility, habit, and fear of loneliness – far from what a true, loving relationship is all about. “-X.D.

You meet someone and you get along great and it is good. Things might get physical, and you are in a place where everything is sugary and warm and easy and you don’t really think about where it is going. You tell yourself you’re taking things slow. You are drawn to this person because you feel they satisfy your needs without the stress of a relationship. Everything looks promising in the beginning. Then there comes a time when you pause. You’ll probably have a silly argument or misunderstanding. You see them flirting with another person and it hits you like a ton of bricks and all you can say is “Oh, okay”. If its not a fight it could be any circumstance in which you will realize you don’t know how to act. Can you tell her you had a big fight with your mom? Can you tell him you have  period pain? Just how much do they care about you? You don’t know if it’s your place to act how you normally would act. You don’t know how to proceed. You think to yourself “well I’m not his girlfriend I can’t say that.” or “I’m not her boyfriend its not my place.” But because so much has happened already, including sex maybe, it becomes difficult to backtrack to that point where the relationship should have been defined initially. Limbo. Now you have to ask THAT question : “So what are we?”.

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On the other hand, if you do have that conversation successfully, and let’s say you become official, what really changes? You have shared so much of each other already, emotional and physical, so what difference does a title make? Do we really add any significance to a situationship just because I can now call you my main squeeze? Surely calling you my boyfriend must come with other perks and not just proving to the world that I’m no longer single and bitter.

Maybe situationships are the result of the ever growing fear of commitment. Maybe situationships suit us because of our need to live in the moment without the responsibility of another person’s feelings. Because that’s what relationships are. You are responsible for this person that you have chosen to commit to. With a situationship you have no obligation to anyone. You get the watermelon without the hassle of the seeds. You get the tailored suit without the awkward agony of a seamstress measuring your groin. You get the six pack sexy abs without the pain of working out…You get..You get my point. 

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