All my life I’ve had people say to me “you’re so strong” or “how do you deal with all this stuff that happens to you”,or some variation of the same. To be honest, I am not. I am not strong, I don’t want to be strong. When bad things happen,(and they do a lot) all I know is I am not ok, and I need to get to that point where I am ok. What happens between point a and point b? I do not know. Maybe its hope, maybe its faith, or maybe its just my stubbornness that gets me there. But whatever it is, I just know I need to get to point b. So I get up when I don’t want to, I go through the motions, because a great friend once taught me “It Is Ok Not To Be Ok.”
Rushing through point a and point b will always always fail. You can fake a lot of things in life but you can not fake reconciliation. Whether its reconciling with your own feelings or with someone who has hurt you. You can not fake it. You can pretend. After all we are familiar with “fake it till you make it”. But it always comes back to you. That’s the irritating thing about feelings. If you don’t address them they will always come back at some point, in some manner, uglier than before.
There’s a middle ground in all this. Do not indulge in self-pity. There is a difference between admitting you need time to heal and feeling sorry for yourself. Like I said before, it is ok to not be ok. And do not fake it, do not rush through it. You’ll only get to point b when you’re ready.